Coming in late, leaving work early, calling in sick last minute. Dealing with employees can be a real challenge. How many times did you receive that eye-rolling text, only minutes before they were due to start their shift?
Thankfully, there are still creative minds out there. Workers who put a little more effort in and amuse us with their well-crafted excuses. And of course, there are the brutally honest ones, the weird, and the wonderful.
For your entertainment, read on for the best and most original excuses — and how you can make finding a replacement simple and stress-free.
Creative health-related excuses
Health issues are the most accepted by managers, however, they are also the most dreaded ones. Messages are often too graphic and give too much information. You might even receive a photo as proof. These are our favorites.
- “I was out catfishing. My friend cast his line and his large fishhook went straight into my nose and hooked my nose. The hook went all the way through into my skull just above my eye. The ER doctors removed the hook but my nose is excessively swollen and both of my eyes are swelled almost shut.”
- “I tripped over my grandmother’s cat and smacked my face on the kitchen cabinets.”
- “I’m sick and I won’t be in for three days. I can tell it’s gonna be a few days before I feel better so I don’t wanna have to call in every day.”
- “I caught on fire.”
- “My wife said I need a mental health day.”
- “My brother got run over by a train and I have to go pick him up.”
- “Can’t come in today boss. I poisoned myself with paraffin while doing my fire breathing routine.”
- “I ate some bad takeaway food recently and felt like a gnome was using a spear to stab me in the abdomen.”
Creative family-related excuses
As very close second to health-related problems, here come the excuses about family members.
- “My only grandmother’s grandson died.”
- “I gotta help my grandmother find her meds.”
- “My kid got suspended and have to pick him up from school.”
Creative animal excuses
And of course, if it wasn’t a family member that passed away, it was most probably an animal that caused trouble.
- “I closed the door on my cat on the way out and I need to take him to the vet.”
- “My mother-in-law’s cat died.”
- “A moose keeps blocking my door, so I can’t leave.”
- “I’m coming, but I’m gonna be late. There’s an injured bird of prey by the bridge and I’m waiting for the cops to come.”
- “I’m gonna be late. I saw a turtle crossing the road and stopped to help it.”
Creative transportation excuses
Those excuses get more interesting when it’s not just because of the traffic.
- “I’ve been in a car accident and am currently upside down in a ditch waiting to be cut out by firefighters!”
- “I’m stuck on the highway, it looks like something happened because there are people walking around in those yellow suits with masks. Must be a chemical spill.”
- “A moving truck has parked in front of my driveway so I’ll be late. Just waiting for them to move. Get it?”
Creative alternative excuses
Lastly, we have random excuses, either too good not to laugh out loud or too bad leaving you completely dumbstruck.
- “I was abducted by aliens, experimented on for months before being placed back on earth at the exact time I was abducted but unfortunately they were 5 minutes late which led to me missing the bus.”
- “I can’t come in. I’m in Vegas and won the jackpot.”
- “My upstairs neighbor’s toilet fell through the roof onto the bed while we were sleeping.”
- “I forgot to file my taxes. I need to stay home and do them.”
- “It’s too pretty outside to be (inside) working.”
- “Oh, I didn’t think you expected me to come back.”
Find a replacement for any occasion
While you love reading those creative excuses, let your staff swap shifts amongst themselves. You’ll save yourself the headache of needing to find a new replacement — and cut down on all of the back and forth. Try a free trial of Deputy to see how you and your staff can be more productive.